April 29, 2005

Job humor

Only in Louisiana. You gotta love this lawyer - it's too good not to share! Everyone who has ever bought a house will enjoy this.
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella.

The good queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana.

God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"

The loan was approved.
Sounds about right.

2006 Elections?

"Do you believe in miracles? I belieeeeeeeeeeve in miracles..." /retarded 80's song lyrics (who the hell sang that anyway? -ed)

But, Harry Reid (D-NJ) doesn't. And the money quote:
"Senator Reid can do the math: A Democratic Party, plus no ideas, plus obstruction, plus over-the-top partisan rhetoric equals continued minority."
Yeahp. That just about sums it up.

April 28, 2005

Seven men sueing Denny's

OK, I'll bite...
The seven men are of Egyptian, Lebanese, Syrian and Palestinian descent...
Um, so let me get this straight... these guys *aren't* terrorist-looking? $5 says CAIR has their stinky hand in this somewhere/how. If that's the case, let's not forget about Randal Royer - you know - that former spokesman for CAIR and the Muslim American Society.

Where's Rachel Lucas?

Inventor creates "soundless" speaker

Apparently its soundwaves are 'above the range' of human hearing. Interesting.

In other, un-related news, every dog within 300 yards of the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry simultaneously ran into traffic. Detectives think it was a mass suicide.

h/t: Ace (like you were expecting someone else)

April 27, 2005

Who has a smaller penis?

The guy that drives this car?


(click for bigger)

or this truck?



In the comments please...

April 26, 2005

bookofjoe: Is love real?

I love pizza... does that count?

April 25, 2005

A glimpse inside....

Sorrow...Frustration...Questioning...Frustration...Acceptance...Hope.

A US Soldier and Johnny Cash.

Long trip. Home safe.

Got back from SF yesterday evening, had an awesome trip. Will try and summarize it later tonight, but unfortunately (for whom? -ed) I'm not going to be posting any pictures. If you saw the last post you noticed that I was out there for work Thur/Fri and on my site inspection I happened to drop (and break) my brand new camera. Oops.

BUT, if you're lookin for pics, check out the hotel I stayed in, and a neighborhood I might end up moving out to. We've got an office over in Walnut Creek, which I guess is about an hour bus > Bart > bus ride away...

Good times, quick rundown to come tonight...

More MIT bashing

This is the feel good story of the week. Not only is it a damn good story, which I wish could be replicated more often, but it involves a bunch of nobodies beating smug MIT douchebags.

Ef you MIT.

April 24, 2005

Wow.

Phenomenal read from Ali.

Wow....Perspective.

HT to Mohammad at Iraq the Model

April 20, 2005

Ace digs it



I am a d20


Take the quiz at dicepool.com

April 18, 2005

If there was ever anything which begged a top-10 list

This is it.

More later...

Lance Armstrong to quit cycling

...after this years' TDF. Of course. This guy is a King among men. For those of you who have any idea what being a cyclist entails, you know what I'm talking about. The rest of you?

Well, you can eat a dick.

Lance Armstrong is hands down the best athlete around, the best cyclist of all-time, a role model, if there ever was one and a damn fine American.

I wonder which he'd put first? (my rhetorical style is too strong for you foo)

UPDATE: Good reader Pigilito calls me out in the comments, and I used Tyler Hamilton as example of why I think Lance is innocent of any doping charges... then I read my email and find this Court Transcript between the ADA and Tyler Hamilton. Figured it was worth throwing up. I'll also blockquote the response this generated from one of the guys on my triathlon team:
The dissenting arbitrator’s opinion is eye opening...I didn’t even realize the vote was 2-1. Of course the press just says “guilty” and that’s it. The test that they relied on doesn’t even take false positives into account, both those that are naturally occurring and those that result from human error. Everyone knows the blood samples are mishandled in some cases (like putting it in the freezer). The test also relies on a subjective call made by the lab tech.

I also didn’t know that the initial lab test at the Olympics was negative and that a separate group took another look. This second group was paid to develop the new technique (and now have their professional reputations at stake) and they knew it was Tyler’s sample they were testing. That's the group who was charged making the “I know it when I see it” subjective call? Ridiculous.

The people making the call are never supposed to know who it is they are testing and are not supposed to have a vested interest in the outcome. A third test was not possible due to the destruction of the backup sample but the numbers from the Vuelta sample were significantly lower than the Athens sample so it’s safe to assume the original Athens lab group would have cleared Tyler, and yet he gets a 2 year suspension because of this second group of testers.

I can’t believe they would throw away a career relying on a test like that with those circumstances. It seems like the IOC, UCI, etc. have gone way overboard. I’m sure they are frustrated with the inability of testing to keep up w/ the designer doping drugs, but come on. If you don't have objective testing you don't have legitimacy. Maybe Tyler should move to Salem b/c it sure looks like a witch hunt to me.
Worth reading if you're at all interested in this stuff.

For what it's worth, Tyler has also just posted a response on his site.

UPDATE2: Shit. I think I just deleted all the comments. I'd made a double-post, tried to zap one of them and might have just killed them all. :/ Either way, the last comment by "anonymous" was something to the effect of "Lance identifies his politics as center-left, how does that make you feel?" - my response was "who gives a shit, he rides a bike". As far as all the other stuff with pigilito or whatever, I was done talking about it anyway - him trying to convince me that Lance isn't the best ever, or that he's a doper, is like me saying George Soros really did actually vote for Bush.

Fuck it. I don't care. You're all retarded. Heh.

Though she never left my bloglines subscription

It looks like she's "back"!! (maybe - let us hope for the best)

San Francisco musings

"One does not simply *WALK* into Mordor"...

Work trip Thu/Fri to SF, planning on spending the weekend (Sat/Sun) there just kickin around makin' fun of homeless people.

If you know any place I should check out, hit it up in the comments - I'll be staying downtown - in the north east corner of the nub that is Frisco. I'm not really looking to spend my days cruisin the city, I'd rather head up north a little and check out the scenery.

So, yeah, hook a blogger up...

April 15, 2005

Happy Tax Day [Dave]

This is how it makes me feel on the inside.

April 14, 2005

If you haven't seen Sin City yet, check it out

I'm not going to post a review of it here (b/c I'm lazy) but Mickey Rourke was *perfect* in this movie. That link takes you to a run-down of what he's been up to the last 15-years. After reading it, I feel that much better about his performance in Sin City.

So, constant reader, if you're into that kind of movie, check it out.

April 13, 2005

Found out my tax refund


(Click for larger)

h/t: pooponastick

UPDATE: I think Rachel hates the IRS almost as much as I do.

April 12, 2005

Chinese imitate DU

In the spirit of BOTW, here's the latest installation of the Chinese sounding a hell of a lot like DU'ers.

April 11, 2005

Pork Barrell: Good for everyone

As long as you define "everyone" as the only 535 important ones on the stage. The rest of us must be sensitive to the plight of our nations underpaid indentured servants. Patience.
"There are two ways to eliminate the lobbyist temptation," said the unnamed source. "You can either increase Congressional pay and make it a fixed percentage of the national debt, or stop passing money through Congress for programs delivered on the state and local level."


(Or, just let them run their own investment portfolios)

Caltech vs MIT

Good on ya Caltech. MIT sucks.

April 10, 2005

50,000 hits

Happy Sunday.

April 09, 2005

Freedom

It is truly sad and disturbing what news I have heard about the Iraqi anniversary of Freedom. The radio has news of protests with "thousands" of al Sadr loyalists tearing down effigies of Saddam, Bush, and Blair, simulations of the "prisoner torture" pictures, and plenty of chanting against the USA, democracy, and, by default, progress. The television and internet news sites are filled with the same. I am amazed this is the only news we hear of such a monumental day when reports like this is also out there...then again, that good news and messages of thanks are no longer considered "news" are they? At the very least, shouldn't we hear BOTH reports?

The winds of change that have blown away the tyrant in Iraq have begun to reach more and more people everyday and the heroic stand of Iraqis is inspiring freedom lovers in Beirut and Cairo, Kuwait and Bahrain, Arabia and Damascus; people are screaming enough is enough; enough for tyranny, enough for repression and enough for slavery.

Some naysayers and losers will say that terror had marked the past two years in Iraq but we the Iraqis believe that terrorism is merely the defeated remnants of evil fed by the other tyrants who got terrified from the fall of their demonic master. They're holding onto a weak thread that will soon be broken no matter how hard they try.


Finally, I would like to say it again and say it loud:
Thank you our liberators.


Indeed.

UPDATE - Thanks to Ace for the link. Here is more goodness; I got the chills when I read this one. Thank AlGore the US Military for the internet; without it, this truth would likely not be heard.
Two years now and "they" still wonder
And "they" still ask Was it worth it?
Was it right?
Two years and it seems to me Like it was yesterday
Two years and "they" keep trying
To silence the voice inside us
Yet it only grows louder

I was once free When I was a kid
But when I grew up...

April 08, 2005

My new toy...

All set for bird and small game hunting. A Winchester Super X2. WOOT!
(The other dirty little gun is a Marlin 60 .22. I got it for $20 and when I pulled it apart to clean it I was amazed. It literally looks like someone coated the internals in oil and then buruied the gun in sand. Time to get some Casey's Gun Scrubber!)

April 07, 2005

My first "testimonial"

Over at WuzzaDems. Kind of an inside joke. God that's funny.

Yada yada yada

...the company you keep...
You're tellin me this guy's still around?! Huh?

Just thinking and such... [Dave]

After much soul searching, I've realized that I'm not really comfortable using my real name on this blog. Why? Well Dave seems so, well bland. The good professor uses his name, but then again, he's on TV all the time media whoring it up. I should have chosen a good name, a cool name, a hip name. I could have been Tenacious BM, or possibly Harold Johnson.

In other news, I've been working my ass raw and I'm just about out of gas. This weekend won't be spent doing crap at work I can tell you that -- oh shit -- this is almost starting to turn into a real blog entry, I need a joke quick. What's the difference between Terri Schaivo and Oliver Willis? One was deprived of food, one needs to be. Ah, much better.

Am I the only one that sick of hearing about Frank J's wedding already? Yes? Oh well. I'm sure he'll be back to being funny someday. (p.s. Your guest bloggers suck. I mean that in the nicest possible way. Btw, one good boobie shot could pay for the whole wedding, think about that. The. Whole. Damn. Wedding.)

I'm currently writing a piece of fiction that I'll be posting here when I'm done with it. It's a COMPLETELY FICTIONAL STORY about a man who finds more freedom in prison than the outside world. Think Shawshank Redemption meets 1984. I must stress that this is a COMPLETELY FICTIONAL STORY least anyone get the wrong idea when I publish it. The short story is that the man who becomes sick of the ruling judiciary in his country kills a judge in protest and finds that the only real freedom he's ever known comes in a cage. Again, COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.

That's all for now, bite me.

Just thinking and such... [Dave]

After much soul searching, I've realized that I'm not really comfortable using my real name on this blog. Why? Well Dave seems so, well bland. The good professor uses his name, but then again, he's on TV all the time media whoring it up. I should have chosen a good name, a cool name, a hip name. I could have been Tenacious BM, or possibly Harold Johnson.

In other news, I've been working my ass raw and I'm just about out of gas. This weekend won't be spent doing crap at work I can tell you that -- oh shit -- this is almost starting to turn into a real blog entry, I need a joke quick. What's the difference between Terri Schaivo and Oliver Willis? One was deprived of food, one needs to be. Ah, much better.

Am I the only one that sick of hearing about Frank J's wedding already? Yes? Oh well. I'm sure he'll be back to being funny someday. (p.s. Your guest bloggers suck. I mean that in the nicest possible way. Btw, one good boobie shot could pay for the whole wedding, think about that. The. Whole. Damn. Wedding.)

I'm currently writing a piece of fiction that I'll be posting here when I'm done with it. It's a COMPLETELY FICTIONAL STORY about a man who finds more freedom in prison than the outside world. Think Shawshank Redemption meets 1984. I must stress that this is a COMPLETELY FICTIONAL STORY least anyone get the wrong idea when I publish it. The short story is that the man who becomes sick of the ruling judiciary in his country kills a judge in protest and finds that the only real freedom he's ever known comes in a cage. Again, COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.

That's all for now, bite me.

Morning perspective

Right:
Dan Rather - Good Old Boy at CBS for over 40 years
Eason Jordan - CNN Chief News Executive, 23 years there
Sandy "Pants" Berger - Former National Security Advisor (!!) and hard core Clintonista

Left:
Jeff Gannon/James Guckert - an obscure reporter no one had ever heard of.
Terry Schaivo - a handicapped woman.
Brian Darling - legal council to Mel Martinez, whomever he is.

April 06, 2005

Raddest band

I can't farking believe I'm *just* finding CLUTCH. These guys rock out so fucking hard, and they've got some really cool instrumental tracks and even some jazzy shit. If you check out their site, you can hear a sample track. Imma post this, then see if I can UL a couple tracks and kill some bandwidth.

Check these guys out!

P.S. Thanks Nathan for showin me these guys!

Easy Breeze
Notes From The Trial Of (La Curandera)
Mercury
Elephant Riders
(Please rt. click and save as - thanks!)

Today's classy joke

CMGREENLAW1978: what do terry saivo and the pope have in common?
CMGREENLAW1978: theyre both dead
Ahh yes, Mick, these are *your* friends, not mine. Heh. A special seat is reserved for that guy too.

Best new show on TV. Hands down.

Daves post reminded me...

This new show, "The Office" is quite possibly the best thing since sliced-bread. I guess this is a re-make of a popular British version, so I'll have to ask Bosh about the original, but this thing is just too funny. With lines like:
So, you're a Mexican. Would you prefer we call you something less offensive?
How can yo go wrong? Honestly.



^ Funniest man on TV today.

Tattoo blogging

Well, not really, but try and tell me this Phoenix wouldn't make a sick tattoo...

...Geeeetting antsy...

It's almost Friday

I need a drink.

UPDATE: Link should now work.

Can you hear me?

I'm screaming.


(Click for bigger)

April 05, 2005

Hog on Ice's comments down?

Well, I don't know, but I couldn't post my most recent comment, so here it is, in response to the HOG ON ICE: Physics Ignorance Can be Fatal post:
Java - I concur with your analysis, but for someone to say that bike helmets are asinine, is ridiculous. Should they be mandatory? HELL NO! However, if you don't have insurance, decide to not wear a helmet and end up with a brain injury... am I gonna pay for ya? Nope on that count too. And if you ask me to, I'll pull your damn tube myself.

This is what's wrong with the blogosphere

Feh, I rather liked the Cowbell. I'm also jealous that he has more Instalanches than me. I've been blogging what, three or four months now? Where the hell is mine? Shit, he gets one for retiring, and I don't get one for even starting. The Blogfather my hiney. He's a miser with his Instalanches, by golly.
-Collegeguy

I read most of the same blogs as this guy and have never once noticed a neat comment of his, or anything of his. He posts up on Wuzzadem (who's a decently funny guy) and bitches that he's been blogging for all of 4 months (max) and hasn't gotten an instalanche.

Well, you've gotta have something to say "Collegeguy" - nobodys gonna throw you a bone if you're not funny and/or witty. So, not only do you sound like a pompous "the world revolves around me" ass with your comment, but you're also just one of many like you. I'd throw J. Golsen in with you as well, but I can't seem to find a link to his site. Where's that guy get off to? Not at the top of the TTLB rankings, I can tell you that much.

FWIW: I should point out the only way I got my Insta-Corner-Franka-Malka-lanche was b/c of guest-blogger Atomic Amish. I'm not ashamed of that, I've never said that I'm funny or claimed that I *deserved* a link from anybody. I do all this shit for personal enjoyment, if you don't like it you can eat me, even if you like it I'll probably still tell you to eat me. :) There are people out there who take this shit way too seriously, I don't think John's one of them, I think Collegeguy might be and I *know* Jordan Golsen is.

UPDATE: Turns out I'm a fool. Read John's comments over @ Wuzzadem.

Only two certain things: Death and Taxes

Just got kicked square in the balls sent my taxes to my tax-prep guy.

It really chaps my ass being in almost a 40% tax bracket.

No, seriously.

April 04, 2005

Let's play a game

It's called "Guess what the Office Manager is wearing today"

Hint: Think, Chris Rocks' "stripper shoes" skit.

But you know what, I think they match her outfit pajamas pretty well.

I think she just got her hair cut too.

Seriously folks. I'm not makin this up.

Atomic Amish Update

For those of you who were around a few months ago, I had a guest-blogger (Atomic Amish) who posted a few hilarious links here, which got me linked by NRO, Insty, Michelle Malkin and Frank J. Amish has since "taken a few months off", but I think I found him.

So, go check that site out. If you're at all familiar with Instapundit, you'll laugh your ass off.

April 01, 2005

Google Gulp

*slack jawed*

I'm struck dumb.

UPDATE: OK, SOP would be to delete this post as fast as humanly possible, but I'm leaving this one up b/c I'm such. a farking. retard.

Oh to perils and pitfalls of being aloof... *sighs*