February 08, 2005

In a galaxy far far away....

"I'm not sure why they sent us out here, Fartoo." Luke Skywacker reclined in his space craft as he started to enter the barren atmosphere of Wahhabi. As Luke landed he noticed natives rushing at his craft. "I mean you no harm," Luke said. "I am Al-Jihadi, and you are a dirty kafir," the head native said. "Die infidel!" The natives rushed Luke, using his force enhanced abilities, Luke did a backflip off the wing of his spacecraft. Unwilling to kill without understanding why they were upset, Luke retreated to the dunes, while the natives overran Fartoo and the ship.

As Luke made camp for the night, he turned on his communicator and called his old friend, Hand Solo. "Hand, it's Luke. I'm in a spot of trouble out here in the Wahhabi system. I could use your help, bring Chewblakka with you." The crackling reply came, "I'll bet your in trouble, I'm sending you the latest galactic news loop.

"As you can see here, the droid appears to have his welding arm extended. Here he is shocking the genitals of the friendly natives. I can't believe the outragous conduct of our government sponsored baby killers."

Two days later as the Centurian Falcon was landing, Luke met the ship. "Hand! ChewBlakka! Great to see you guys." Hand came down the ramp, "Luke, we are in a world of hurt. The diplomats back home are screaming bloody murder about these natives. They are saying that you aren't nuanced enough to understand them and deal with them." Luke met Hand's stare, "The only thing these people understand is death, I've done some scouting and the living conditions are horrible. They make their women wear huge swaths of black clothing and walk in the desert. They kill anyone who differs with their beliefs, even their own people." A warble behind them spun Luke around as he reached for his lightsaber. "Fartoo! How did you get away?" Several beeps later and Luke had his answer. "Hand, this is bad. Fartoo says they are working on creating their own death star and want to use it to force entire planets to submit to their will, or be destroyed."

As the heavy cruisers pounded the system into rubble, Luke broke orbit and headed toward home. "Score another one for the good guys", he thought.