February 14, 2005

Change in format... [Dave]

Here at "fat kid's 'r us", we pride ourselves in the finest investigative reporting around. We now present to you the awesomest advice column ever written, ask Jeff Gannon!

Dear Jeff Gannon,
I feel so guilty about what I've done to you. The shame is eating me alive, what can I do to make things right?
Kos
I've got just the thing to make you feel better comrade. You need to feel the slight breeze my dogtags make on your face as I'm pounding your socialist ass. That'll make things A-Otay.
--Jeff "No, screw you" Gannon

Dear Jeff Gannon,
As a gay man, can you tell me if you like anal sex as much as I do?
Ana Marie
Hold on just a minute there 9-iron, just because I wouldn't tag your flea ridden ass in Karl Rove's broomcloset doesn't mean I'm gay. In fact, Andy, I'd say it makes me less gay. I'm not sure if you own any unbroken mirrors, but here's a hint, while you may have gotten your rack done, the hormones have done nothing for that Adam's apple of yours. I swear, it always looks like you've got a boar's teste half swallowed.
--Jeff "Woah. Now I know your secret." Gannon

That's all for now, Jeff will be back on a weekly basis until he gets a new gig.

**note - not really the Jeff Gannon