January 30, 2005

Another post by "Amish the Destroyer"

Lately ive been seeing a lot of blogads featuring this man - Matt Furey -in a slightly homoerotic pose, and today i ...uh...accidently... clicked on the ad (i swear i was trying to click on an Ann Coulter ad- im all man baby and dont you forget it). Well it turns out that Mr. Furey is an instructer in the ancient and deadly art of Hindu Combat. At first i was skeptical. Who wouldnt be? He looked like a bald midget dry humping a piece of shag carpeting. But the more i read the more i became convinced he was on to something; and after careful consideration i've decided to become a hindu. I know i've got a lot of options when it comes to choosing a religion/lethal martial art, but think about it -nobody can kick ass like the hindus. Look at Gandhi. Did any body fuck with Gandhi? Hell no! Some people want to be like Jesus, and sure Jesus had killer abs, but come on -Gandhi was ripped! And just look at that sloppy bastard Buddha. Who wants their lord and savior to have bitch tits? Not me thats for damn sure. And im pretty sure Allah is a flaming queen. Why else would heaven still have 72 virgins? No-im going with "the baddest mutha in Calcutta". Gandhi is the Ted Nugent of Messiahs. He is the perfect killing machine. You know how you get a little cranky when you havent eaten in a while? Well Gandhi hasnt eaten for 6 fuckin' years. How you gonna stop that? You ain't. And if you did kill him he'd just come back as something more badassed. A monkey with a chainsaw or a grizzly bear wearing a codpiece that shoots fire or something equally rad. Dont mess with the Mahatma.